When I work with clients in my “Balance Before Burnout” workshops or coaching program the first activity we do is identify their most important Balance Reserves – the things that we need to build up in order to better handle the inevitable stressors in life. You know “Sleep”, “Nutritious Food”, etc.
You know what I’m saying - there are days you awake refreshed from a great night’s sleep to a nutritious meal and are ready to face whatever comes at you. Other days you awaken to the same situations, but you’re tired, skipped breakfast and watch out world!
Recently, I was working with a client on her most important reserves and she was having a very hard time, because she felt torn. She wanted to build her reserves of “Sleep”, “Alone Time”, “Family Time”, and “Couple Time”. Looking at her list broke her heart, because she felt her hubby always came last. I could relate. When my children were young, I was going into the city for my master’s degree several times a week, I was giving my all to teach kindergarten, and still come home and give love and attention to a 2 and 5 year old. Sleep felt like a fleeting dream and I felt like I was leaving my husband whatever was left.
If you can relate, I’d like to share an important mindset shift that helped me. You must let go of “Me vs. Them” thinking. Feeding and caring for yourself need not compete with quality time with others. On the contrary, if we infuse self-care into our lives more generously, I believe we will have more to give, but we must keep them in the loop. That means while you are caring for yourself, you are keeping in mind their feelings and needs and finding fun and loving ways to show how much you care. Time alone can be balanced with amazing date time. Quiet time could be shared by snuggling under a blanket to read together before bed. Be creative, but be careful not to take it for granted. It does not need to be an either or. It can be all about love -love for yourself and love for your partner!
How will you infuse self-care into your relationship?